don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
