if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
