do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
