Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
