i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I skipped work to stalk him.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
