I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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