My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
