He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
