Having a random hookup so left but love u
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
