I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
