When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
