Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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