you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
