can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
