just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
