someone get that fucking seahorse.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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