I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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