It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
