I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
