Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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