he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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