Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
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