You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Randomize
