Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Found the puke drawer
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
