I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
