Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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