is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
