she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
