I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
