Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Randomize
