i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
