so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
