Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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