I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
