She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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