Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
