What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
