Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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