remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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