$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
