A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
It was confusing and full of hummus
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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