You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
