Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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