he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
