my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You had me at "let me see your balls"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize