Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
