SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You can't special order awesome
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
