Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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