he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
