apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
