i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
