My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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